if there is a hell, it is filled with transcribing. and if there is a double-hell, it is filled with transcribing interviews of nashville rock bands. #DEATH

NO.

when people ask me, “what do you do?” i’d really like to start responding literally. like, “i listen to lana del rey remixes and drink 24oz beers and try to guess which crayons are which weird colors.”

also, i went to the doc martens store for a school of seven bells show earlier, and i got stuck waiting in the line next to a crazy, ranting homeless woman who was sitting on some luggage for like, forever. here are some of the only things i could pick out from all the nonsensical shit she said:

“ooooooh it’s gonna burn. it’s gonna BURN.”

“michael jackson, you know?”

“YOKO ONO.”

“yeah, baby.”

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”

you guys i have to go learn how to butcher a lamb tomorrow for the sake of internet journalism. which i’m not really sure how i feel about, partly because i have never done it before, but mostly because i wish it was something previously less cute, like a possum or a really large moth or whatever.

oh my god everyone at whole foods infuriates me, but especially:

  • the models walking around with carts (because i assume they’re too frail to carry a basket) with one effing thing inside. like, if you’re going to mow me down with a cart, at least put THINGS inside.
  • the people (read: EVERYONE) wearing those felt hats with floppy brims.
  • that girl who spent fifteen minutes at the fish counter going, “i know, but i just wish they weren’t farm-raised,” over and over and over. (a word to the wise: WISHES FOR FISHES DON’T COME TRUE, ESPECIALLY NOT AT WHOLE FOODS MARKET.)
  • EVERYONE.

(but i still go because i don’t know how else to live.)

i just drank like three manhattans to interview a potential contributor, which is not how i envisioned my night going. (not that it was bad, i just feel immensely less productive.) now i’m eating ice cream and watching ‘stepsister from planet weird’ and editing a lil b-themed post. and wishing i had uninstalled my AC unit so i could smoke indoors.

ps yesterday the empire state building was red, and rather than google the reason why, i decided to think of logical things it could represent. like twizzlers and jennifer garner’s golden globes dress and the communist party: http://nyc.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/why-the-eff-is-the-empire-state-building-red.htm

hi here’s a guide to NYC date ideas w/ easy exit strategies, because if you’re like me, things WILL go badly: http://t.co/HcB3LbFS