May 2013
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just went to the deli downstairs and “welcome to the machine” was blasting on the radio. i burst out laughing because an ex-man-friend of mine once asked me if i liked pink floyd, and i said, “YES, TOTALLY.” and when he asked me which song i liked best, i did the thing that all lying people do, aka said, “ALL OF THEM. ALL OF THE PINK FLOYD SONGS.” whether or not...
bunked off work to go shopping today. didn’t realize it was so hot outside. saw terry richardson at bowery coffee talking about life problems to some girl. my iced coffee was chalky. THE END.
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hi here was my weekend:
mac ‘n cheese empanada:
proof that rachel zoe was creepin’ in bushwick:
a duck friend i made when i was lost in the woods yesterday:
the first time i left the house today was like ten minutes ago. atmospheric conditions:
neighbor is blasting the bachata version of “stand by me” on repeat
soggy pigeons were outside eating soggy cheez-its
things i have done today:
literally nothing except google how to spell “cheez-its”
dear deli people: egg and cheese on toast does not mean egg and cheese on french toast. also, i just frightened mara wilson for the second time at union hall. (SORRY I’M NOT SORRY.)
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do you guys really think that freaky friday was an appropriate name for the movie? like, do you really think if you got trapped in your mom and/or daughter’s body you would be like, “OH MAN THIS IS FREAKY LOL.” (they should have called it traumatic tuesday instead.)
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had the ultimate pale kid conversation with pete from anamanaguchi. subject matter included sunscreen, neil degrasse tyson, that sound the internet used to make on your house phone, etc. (furby and four lokos also made cameos in the discussion.)
http://nyc.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/byt-interviews-anamanaguchi.htm
my dad and i used to do this thing where he would go, “who’s your best bud?” and i would say, “you.” and he’d go, “who’s my best bud?” and i’d say, “me.” and we would touch thumbs to seal the deal. i don’t know where he came up with that one but it was nice.
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there’s a lot of stuff that is pretty magical that we take for granted. like toasters and cement mixing trucks and those moving sidewalks in the airport.
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i felt mega-guilty that i couldn’t hang w/ my mom today, so i suggested we have skype-dinner together. (this was a good idea before we both remembered she doesn’t know how to use the internet.)
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i had to be at an event at the american museum of natural history until one in the morning tonight. when i got home i was tired but very hungry, so i went to the deli and asked for a cheeseburger. the man behind the grill said they had none, so he gave me a bacon egg and cheese on a roll for only a dollar. (it made my heart swell, and i wondered what it would be like if we were married.) then i...
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i am going to make business cards that say i am a vampire slayer and give them to people i meet at parties. and when they say, “ummm there are no vampires,” i will say, “I KNOW BECAUSE I SLAYED ALL OF THEM LOL.”
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April 2013
26 posts
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(literally, i have hangover paralysis.)
hi okay i’m really hungover. last night i drank my friend’s homemade wine, the grapes for which her feet stomped when she was ten, which was like, fifteen years ago. (i drank my friend’s fifteen-year-old foot residue, basically.) i drank a lot of other things, too, but i am going to blame my current state of failure on that. because tannins.
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in defense of sober shopping: things don’t get shipped to your home in virginia. #goddammit
update: i did listen to ABBA today, but that quickly turned into s club 7 which then quickly turned into dido which then quickly turned into the parent trap soundtrack.
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have you guys ever noticed that toast is the best food ever?
yesterday was legitimately one of the weirdest days of my life. in other news, i pretty much just feel like listening to ABBA today.
it’s 12:50am and my elderly chinese neighbours are yelling at each other, but i’m not sure if it’s angry-yelling or chinese-dialect-yelling. #slightlyworried
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today was:
rain and shivering
coke in a glass bottle, avocado & prosciutto on toast
band interview
warm chocolate croissant, black coffee
cartoons
nap
today was:
pretty good, all things considered
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things that nobody asked me but this is the answer
interviewer: do you know what your brain is made up of? me: yes. corn syrup, sugar, modified corn starch, dextrose, water, gelatin, tetrasodium pyrophosphate, artificial flavor and blue 1. interviewer: if i’m not mistaken, those are the ingredients in marshmallows. me: yes.
well i thought you said dowsing rods not dowelling rods. so now the wedding cake is kind of haunted, but it’s okay because people can just eat around the supernatural bits.
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i like the deli. not the one next to my house, but the one a block past that on the corner. everyone who works there is creepy and mean, and they tell me i look like a teenager even though i saw some grey hairs on my head one time. and you can buy some peanuts for a quarter, too.
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christopher abbott quit girls, so i decided these are some logical ideas that could help lena dunham to write him off. (see also: time machine mishaps, brian williams mishaps, wizardry mishaps, etc.)
http://nyc.brightestyoungthings.com/articles/7-ideas-for-how-to-write-charlie-off-girls.htm
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today i was with friends and they asked me what i would be pursuing career-wise if i wasn’t already doing what i was doing. i didn’t even have to think about it; i said i’d be glad to work as a cashier in a rite aid (or equivalent) and keep all my brain power for myself. (and i really mean that.)
